Chrispy Bongo's Quotation Archive

Last update: Tue Feb 24 14:24:41 CST 1998
"A fanatic is someone who can't change their mind and won't change the subject."

Winston Churchill

"The great thing about the internet is that almost anyone can pretend to understand it."

Perry Metzger - perry@piermont.com

"Although Merlin is quite happy with lower case, for whatever reason I have come to prefer upper case for opcodes and labels, with lower case for comments. I also think vi is preferable to emacs, black licorice is preferable to red, and The Empire Strikes Back is far and away the best of the three. I am just a swirling vortex of controversy."

Stephen Judd - judd@merle.acns.nwu.edu

"We don't [host IETF mailing lists] for the money, the fame or the glory. We do it out of a sense of obligation and because we can. If it gets too expensive, we might simply have to refuse, just as we don't currently offer to be a funding host for IETF meetings, either. I've seen the amount of snacks you people eat in a day and I just can't pay the price."

Peter Deutsch - peterd@bunyip.com

"Few people these days read other people's code for enjoyment or education, although reading remains the prime method for learning non-computer languages."

Gio Wiederhold - gio@db.stanford.edu

"Deafness doesn't prevent composers hearing the music. It prevents them hearing the distractions."

Terry Pratchett

"America is broken. Route around it."

Sean Doran - smd@clock.org

"Giving me money is no guarantee of polite treatment. I do the right thing, money or no money. The funny thing is, people keep giving me money anyway."

Paul Vixie - paul@vix.com

"Who's normal? I have some friends that make me feel pretty normal. I guess everybody's normal and nobody is at the same time. Yeah, I guess I am pretty normal."

Gary Larson, author of The Far Side

"IRC may be just peanuts, but they're our peanuts."

Tom Hopkins - hoppie@nemesis.East.Sun.COM

"The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully."

Windows NT Server 3.51
(thanks to Derek Elder, djelder@accessus.net, for this one.)
"Hey I just found your web page..... cool work man when are ya going to update it? Why am I not on the quotes page huh? I know I've said enough stupid stuff to get on it at least once...... alright maybe enough stupid stuff to be on it 100 times."

Nick Lijewski - lijewn01@tigger.stcloud.msus.edu

"This server is sponsored by GNU, the leader in bestiality software."

Vesa Ruokonen - Vesa.Ruokonen@lut.fi

"If only we had been able to get the Network Clue Transport Protocol going in time."

Jeremy Porter - jerry@fc.net

"Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

Anonymous

"everyone who said ISP are LAME are stupid buTholes"

Bryan Oczkowski - bryano@lightlink.satcom.net, who has singlehandedly restored my hope in the intelligence of today's youth.

"Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think."

Anonymous

"There's nothing worse than a sandy penis."

Chris Behrens - cbehrens@concentric.net

"Apparently, these invidious cretins have never heard of the "F" key on a keyboard. One wonders how they manage to type a single word. "uck you you motherucking uckhead" just doesn't have the same "zip" without an "f" in there now and again, does it?"

henry - henri@netcom.com, referring to pro-Scientology posters in alt.religion.scientology

"Menus are for restaurants."

Darren Reed - avalon@coombs.anu.edu.au

"Don't think we are not in tune with the piglet situation."

Jerrold Emery - jemery@mail.utexas.edu

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, either the Net is a business and you pay for routable IP space, or its a communist free love fuck fest, and its your god-given right to have portable routable IP space."

Jeremy Porter - jerry@fc.net

"Clinton reminds me of the water stain on the ceiling above my shower. Every morning I ask myself how much it's really bothering me, then I decide to leave it there for another four years."

Scott Adams - ScottAdams@aol.com

"At the Indy 500, rookies have an (R) after their name. In networking, rookies have a (CNE) after their name."

Ehud Gavron - gavron@aces.com

"A conclusion is just simply the place where someone decided to stop thinking."

Marsala - swedlund@rohan.sdsu.edu

"If you are psychotic, press 1.
If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3, and 4."

Reece Joyner - rjoyner@ais.net

"Love - It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye or gets pregnant."

Jim Cole - cole@winternet.com

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."

Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977

"I drink my soda with two straws; one for each personality."

Arthur Phan - arthurp@uhunix.uhcc.hawaii.edu

"X-Header: /usr/include gives great headers"

Jake "WinterHawk" Khuon - khuon@merit.net

"How long have I waited to read your 10pt courier caress my name!"

Franny Parker - flparker@midway.uchicago.edu

"Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?"

Anonymous

"Falling in love doesn't kill people. Landing does."

E. Fang Rosenstein - fang@nick.csh.rit.edu
(But don't bother mailing to him. He killed himself a few years ago. Click his name to get a glimmer of why.)
"Done."

Steve Fletty - steve@nts.umn.edu and Theresa Tichich - tichich@nts.umn.edu of the University of Minnesota's Networking and Telecommunications Services

"I know the little men in my television aren't real...the aliens that talk through my toaster told me so."

Kent "Boris" Kilmer - Kent.R.Kilmer-1@umn.edu

"EE majors Do it 'til it Hz."

John D. Zitterkopf - jdz1@ra.MsState.edu

"When you write up Gary Kasperov's defeat, spell my name with a Kleene star."

Thinking Machines' AI chess program *Socrates, as told to Real-Time Feynman Motorcycle
[CB adds: If you don't know what a Kleene star is, you need to take a course on automata theory - at this university, it's CSci 5400.]

"Yes. I rule."

Victoria Neau - neau0002@tc.umn.edu

" I estimate that it costs the world economy about half a million dollars in lost user productivity every time we add one more design element to Sun's home page."

Jacob Nielsen - jakob@eng.sun.com

"The only thing better than having A/C is sharing it with a sultry-eyed brunette."

Mark the Frat Boy, "An Ode to A/C", in the July 10, 1995 Network
[CB notes: I've recently found out just how true this statement is ;)]
"Win 95 is Mac '89."

Helge Tonsky - ht@tc.umn.edu
[CB adds: This is actually a quite popular saying, with various years substituted for 89.]

"Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying."

Anonymous

"The design of this page can only be seen in its true horror in browsers that support the Netscape BACKGROUND attribute for the <BODY> tag. "

Jacob Nielsen - jakob@eng.sun.com

"I saw Akira. I still don't know what it's about. But dont' send me any digitized stills from it. It's like a wise man told me once, beware of geeks bearing GIFs..."

Blue Fenix - rmiller@pic.net

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."

Albert Camus

"let's start a group called 'Huey Lewis and the CNews.' and have a song called 'I want a GNU drug.'"

Jonathan Kalbfeld - jonathan@umich.edu

"I would like to clear something up. I do not own and never will buy a CD whose title or artist includes the word 'meatbeater'."

Ken Reily - reil0037@tc.umn.edu

"LORD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off!"

Sarah Noelle Pratt Ferguson - snpf@netscape.com
(and others)
"Those who will not learn from history are doomed to reimplement it."

Mark H. Wood - MWOOD@INDYVAX.IUPUI.EDU

Definition of "Just Friends": "It means I don't just want you to mourn the loss; I want to remind you of it every day. I want you to suffer. I want you to envy. I want you to die slowly, a bit at a time. And I want you to smile and thank me for it."

Anonymous
More on the evil of platonic friendships
"Email is an infinite box of postage stamps."

Eric D. Hendrickson - edh@tc.umn.edu

"I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies'. So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said 'compact cars'."

Anonymous

"To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none so is something worse."

John Quincy Adams

"Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Don't overdo it."

Lao Tsu

"The biggest danger to children on the Internet is FEAR MONGERS."

Stephen E. Collins - sec@umn.edu

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"This Windows 95 hairball has become so big, so unmanageable, so hard to use, so hard to configure, so hard to keep up and running, so hard to keep secure. Windows 95 is a great gift to give your kid this Christmas because it will keep your kid fascinated for months trying to get it up and running and trying to figure out how to use it."

Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems

"SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then."

Valtteri 'Idling into Eternity' Vuorikoski - vuori@sci.fi (yes, that's a valid address ;)

"In a few hundred years, IRC will do your work while you're being injected with holo-drugs specially formulated to give you the world of your choice."

Yves Lepage - yves@cc.mcgill.ca

"you always get a better grade when you repeat class, thus you need irc."

zel@axs.net

"Unfortunately, the problem is too big to be resolved solely by the engineers. Takes more than just intelligence."

Hans-Werner Braun - hwb@sdsc.edu

"It would be really cool if things like national borders and geographical boundaries could be overcome by four meg worth of punk songs."

Mark Hornblower, drummer for I Love My Shih-Tzu - wombat@hookup.net

"I have been waiting so long to say this: 'I pay good money to use your free service!'"

Tom Hopkins - hoppie@nemesis.East.Sun.COM

"Ignore the RFC. The protocol is broken."

Lance Herron (Tychy) - lherron@imageek.york.cuny.edu

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987

Chris Bongaarts - Chris.Bongaarts-1@umn.edu

Back to Chrispy Bongo's Home Page